Billy Jean Ledbetter
I don’t know if I ever told yawl about me taking Billy Jean
Ledbetter to the drive-in. My Daddy had a A-Model back in 1949, the back had
been cut off and made into a pick-up, the seat was a folded up blanket. I
had never carried Billy Jean to the drive-in so it would be a first for both
of us. I never carried her again, I’m getting ahead of myself. The
Ledbetter’s lived out in the country near Soso,Ms. Her Daddy hunted
squirrels with a single shot 22, they always had plenty of squirrels to eat
folks said. Her Daddy was cleaning that rifle on the front porch and he told
me, ” Be sure Billy Jean don’t get fooled-with, I know where you live, boy”.
That kept pounding in my head all the way back to town. We had no more than
got parked at the drive-in, and Billy Jean lit-in after me. I was in no mood
for romance, I felt my life depended on my ability to fight her off and not
graze her or pull a button off her blouse. We had to get out and fold that
blanket back up at least a half dozen times, I didn’t care, I needed the
respite. I felt if I could keep her eating chili dogs I could distract her,
that worked only while she ate the chili dogs and drank R C cola. Two chili
dogs and a R C cola was a quarter in those days. I made a lot of vows that
night, few I kept except the one to never carry a girl to the drive-in that
out weighed me and was much stronger than I was. I knew I would not keep the
one about staying clear of moon-shine but I was in a desperate situation. I
was in a mood to swear celibacy for the rest of my life and never touch
“shine” again if It would spare me getting gun shot.
Tip on Moonshine, my Daddy would put a nickel Tootsie-Roll in a
gallon of “shine” after it dissolved and got shook up it looked just like
Jack Daniel. He told folks it taste better than Jack Daniel, no one in our
community have ever drank Jack Daniel. I digress. I knew I was fighting for
my life, I felt like Jacob wrestling with that angel at Jacob’s Ladder, I
prayed I would not leave with a limp, like Jacob did. As long as I could
keep her distracted with Chile dogs I could rest up for her next round of
attacking me, I began to realize I had already spent half my life’s saving
and Billy Jean was just getting stronger. A couple times I worried that we
might turn that A-Model over. Somehow my shoe got caught in the steering
wheel and went flying across the parking lot. I got home limping after all,
some low class stole my shoe. Next day I was wearing one brown shoe and one
black shoe. I lost the other black one trying to help my Uncle Cooter catch
a hog, none of us had ever seen a hog would eat a shoe before. I finally got
her home, I stopped at a Billups gas station for her to freshen up, I told
her to take her time. They only had one key to the bathroom and it was
hooked to a boat paddle, they did that back then. I never got shot but I
sure spent a lot of time explaining in church that my vows were made in
jest.
Tom’s Daylily Page
