Tommy’s Place

We all search for things at one time or another in hopes of
enhancing our
lives or becoming well known and thought of highly. I heard about the Holy
Grail being lost, I thought this could be a worthwhile thing to search for.
Search I did, now, I’m completely satisfied it is NOT in the attic of our
barn. It would helpful if we knew WHO had it last, and did they loan it to
anybody. I decided I would have to wait awhile on this endeavor, since I was
embarking in another direction. It was this time in my life I found out,
from a possible Mother-in-law, I had proposed to one of her daughters, she
said that my life was completely void of the first virtue. I decided I
would get me some virtues by hook or crook if that’s what it takes. I
figured that virtues should not be too hard to come by, since it’s what
other people think about you. I felt this was easily obtainable, since so
many people know me well, and thoughts about me abound.

Once I found out that my lacking in virtues, was my greatest
hindrance to success and getting a good wife , it gave me something to
strive for. I decided for once in my life I would gain some virtues, and I
knew where to go, where all great searches start in the Deep South. I went
to the local fortune teller, surely she would know how I could obtain a
virtue or two, I wasn’t even sure how many virtues I would need. The sign
in her yard said, FORTUNES TOLD $5. I told her what I wanted her to
search-out for
me, as she stared into the little ball. Finally she told me that kind of
information, about people like me, couldn’t be found in a $5 ball. She said
it may take the $10 ball, it was bigger, more powerful, and plugged in to
the socket for much needed power. She said the $5 ball was only battery
powered. Sure enough when she brought it out from the back, it had a power
cord hanging out the bottom. As she stared into the new ball, she said we
would have to make it short because, getting information like this could run
up her electric bill, these things use a lot of power when the information
is almost an impossibility. I didn’t know that, but I sure was glad my
future was in the hands of a professional.

She went on to explained that virtues must be positive things
people think
about you. I was devastated to hear that. It’s a crying shame that a
persons own opinion of themselves carries so little weight in this virtues
business.
I figured a person who is held in high regard by other people,
must be a wizard at hiding their true character. My problem has always been
that my true character shines through so indelible. I’m still not above
achieving a virtue of two, even by some quirk in the law, if possible. Then,
she started listing all the positive things I would need to do in my life to
gain some virtues, again I was devastated. I told her I didn’t realize
virtues come at such a high price. I ask her if there might be a short-cut
or two I might take, I explained to her that I was not above deceit or
outright lying, to become virtuous. She said my case looked so hopeless
that I would have to come back in about a week for a reading from the $15
ball. It was off being repaired, it had a sync problem. Now my big
problem was that if I spend any more money trying to get myself virtuous, I
may be too broke to get married.

I found out later that I was too broke for marriage BEFORE I visited
the
fortune teller. I also feared that if I became virtuous, people who knew me
would say I probably stole it. She said from the number of people
searching for virtues these days, it would be big this year and the IN
thing. I’m afraid this virtues thing is getting out of control. The world
is sinking into some kind of a High Moral abyss, right before my eyes. What
happened to the days when being cunning would supply most needs. Without a
little deception, my life would be a total bore. What future wife would give
me the time-of-day if my chances of impressing her was limited to the truth.
What in the world will we do about getting people to become politicians? I
see a leaderless country emerging here, a definitely scary thought. People
may quit voting without the empty promises to prod us to the polls. There is
always hope that the people we have in Washington can find a way to turn
this High Moral thing around to save our political system, they have always
been able to come through in the past. After much pondering over this
virtues thing, I decided to try and improve my character, in other ways,
since honesty and high morals seems to be so far fetched for my family.
Putting on a coat of honesty and decency seems to surely limit a person’s
possibilities in life. Gotta Go…
Tom